complicated feelings.....
*~#JuL1A%*~
today i feel very moody....don't really know what's the reasons...my friends ask me is it im feeling sick again???is absolutely not...my health is ok....but maybe i'm mentally sick...

did anyone ever thought of why are we born to this world??
what are we meant for??

sometimes im wondering why i even exist...haiz...

why we want to live when maybe the next second we will die???
why we want to laugh when the next second we may cry our heart out????
why we makes friends when the next moment they will go away without us and left us alone???
why we wanna care bout someone when that someone don't even bother to look at you????
why why why??????


all this question make me so depressed because it reminds me about "that incident".....(an incident that i don't wanna think about it anymore)

sometimes i would like to ask myself...am i important???do my friends feel that im important to them???will they notice my absence when im not around????will they drop a tears if i die???
or maybe they will never notice it at all...

actually not that i want something in return for the friendship...i just hope that they will appreciate what i had done and not take it for guaranted...sometimes i will say myself silly for putting them in such an important place when they don't even care about your feelings...maybe to them you are just a nobody....

all of these are driving me crazy...i kept thinking about it when im having my class...suddenly i feel like shouting it all out....and ran out of the class and jump down...haha...(but i don't really think i will)still havent had that courage yet...maybe if things didn't turn out better...someday it may happen....but i hope it won't....

GET WELL SOON.....
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boring school life...
*~#JuL1A%*~
today is another busy and tired day....today there are new students coming to our class...that means...works are coming...i need to photostat the notes that we had for them...haiz...is really not and easy job for me...but what to do i still need to get it done...this is the work for a treasurer...(so cham)sobzzzz...is there anyone would like to ganti me???haha...

luckily there is a gentleman to help me get it done so i don't need to walk to the bookshop and bring the whole piles of paper to school the next morning...actually, if i had my own transport..i don't need others to help me lo...but the problem is im going to school by bus ma...so i need someone to help...luckily someone volunteer to get it done for me (not like "someone" that need me to beg so many times also don't wanna do)...haha..let's not talk bout this...hehe

today the tutorial really boring and the words that the teacher said cant enter my brain at all...my brain is not functioning and all i do is just copy the solution...maybe later i'll scan through it again..haha...

im my opinion, i felt that is pointless having tutorial if we can't absorb and digest the knowledge given...is a waste of time staying in school...i think is better for us to stay in our home and study on our own and do homework...

talking bout my homework...is like a never ending story....is it because im lazy or really the homework is too much liao???i also don't know...haha....

i already start my form 6 for about 2 months liao....but how come i still not in the situation geh??i still like wondering....and don't have the mood to really do my studies like i used to be when im form 5....

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEN WILL ALL OF THESE GET BACK TO THEIR TRACK LEH??????????????
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belated b'day present and farewell.....
*~#JuL1A%*~
yesterday after school, i went to parade with my friends..we were chit chatting as always in our "lao di fang" ( Sushi King)...haha..the purpose of this gathering is to farewell those that got JPA scholarship and are going to kl and study...they are jo ann, sook yan......suddenly feel so sad...i could say that they are the closest friends i had since primary...now they are all leaving and left me staying alone here...sook yan is the only person i can tell secrets when im sad and happy...she is the only one that i can share my feelings...although she never share anything with me( i mean secrets and feelings)...haha...who can i talk to when she is gone????my evonne had left me even earlier...feel so lonely now...how am i going to survive without my friends leh????will they forget me???will they remember that once upon a time...there was a girl name julia???sobzz....

after chatting, we went home...before we dismiss..sook yan gave me a belated b'day present and a farewell gift...when i reach home, i opened the gift...and i saw a picture that we took together and my hubby..and a "love letter"...and an unfinished story...the letter makes me feel like crying...makes me feel like you will be gone forever...am i too sensitive??and it reminds me the days we had together in amc...

we argue a lot and we chat alot...me, sook yan and jo ann still have an unfinished story to be continue....like sook yan says " i hope our friendship will be an never ending story"....

WILL OUR FRIENDSHIP LAST FOREVER???

remember to keep in touch and don't forget about our 5S8"s gathering...and our 10 years later 6A's gathering...by that time sure all of you will have a partner liao...haha...

ALL THE BEST IN YOUR FUTURE AND GOOD LUCK MY FRIENDZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oxygen..
*~#JuL1A%*~
now onli i realize how important is oxygen...recently i have problem in breathing...my heart tends to beat faster than normal...like it will pop out from my mouth...and i feel veri difficult to take in oxygen...i need to open my mouth and breath and breath and breath...but it is still not enough..make me feel like dying...god please help me..haha....i desperately need an oxygen tank...haha..


unfortunately, when im sick..still have some people still wanna bully me( dat person should know who is it) make me so frustrated...no energy 2 argue liao..making me angry really makes you so happy meh?? huh???haha...


anyway..later still need to do homework and 2moro still need to attend school...AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
LIFE IS SO TENSE!!!! WHEN WILL THESE DAYS BE OVER??????
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my first post.....
*~#JuL1A%*~
this my first known blog...hehe...

what i wanna write leh???..
hw bout my feelings 2day??

2day im quite emo...bcoz nt happi lo..hehe...the reason is......(a secret) haha...
i think in my fren's eye..im a happi person..alwiz laughing and giggling and chatting and mixing around...is like im on the top of the world...

but actually you are wrong...everyone will have their time of anger, furious, sad....so same 2 me...n mayb i experience more than that...don't think that u saw me laughing and smiling means im so happi...mayb sometimes my heart is aching and bleeding inside...and is crying out loud for someone to heal it and stop the bleeding...

there is a song that really suits my feelings nw... that is the song entitled "Reflection"

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my Reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that i'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

There's a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that i'm
Someone else
For all time

When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?


when i really find a true friend that will really understand me???
when will i see the real image of me and not the reflection that i myself cant even recognise...
where is the true me??
please help me find it
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