~* h1DdeN cOrNEr*~

~* I'M BACK*~

2010-06-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

it has been a long time since my last update.....maybe form 6 life is really too hectic...i've just finish my exam and having a short break now...i've make a promise to study hard during this holiday...but i still havent done anything yet....haiz....im so terrible...every promises that i've made cant seem to be fulfilled...

recently, i've met up with my best friends that had left ipoh...all of them had changed in some way...maybe more mature or prettier...but when i look at myself...i feel that i didnt change much...i feel that they are be coming better and better...and im still on the starting point...what should i do???im feeling so shameful to stand beside them :( ......

my friends keep asking what i wanna study when i finished my STPM...the problem is not choosing the right course...the problem for me is that...i scare that my result will not be good and no uni will accept me....

when im in my secondary years...i've never been so afraid of exam before (i mean not so much)....but this time i can really feel the fear inside my heart...i still remember the day before the exam...i've cried...is not that i wanted to cry...is the fear that made my tears fall down uncontrollable...i think the reason is i really havent prepared myself for the exam...everytime i also do last minute work...homework always not done...sometimes i really hate myself for being such a lazy bug...but i cant help it...can anyone help me???

2009 is leaving soon...

2009-12-27T00:37:00.000-08:00

Wow...so fast another year is gone...what's waiting in front leh???will 2010 be a better year???many unanswered question appearing...maybe these questions will never had an answer...year 2009 has make me change alot...1st time studying in a boy school...1st time same class with boys...1st time knowing that hw good is my former school, AMC....many 1st time had happened in this year...many memories that i'll never forget...

Next year will be a tough year for me....STPM will be coming soon....i have to work hard to achieve my aims...i dont wanna disappoint my parents...STPM results will definitely affects my future..either in a positive way or a negative way...haiz...

The path aheads me is quite blur...i don't know what my future will be but i'll work hard for it...if not im sure i'll regret someday...i believe soon my path will be clear...and the goals will be achieved...

i hope what i believe and what im doing nw is right...and i'll hold on till the end and never give up....gambateh...

我坚持的都值得坚持吗
我所相信的就是真的吗
如果我赶追求我就敢拥有吗
而如果都算了不要呢
或许吧或许我永远都不要遇见他
或许吧或许我太天真了吧

属于我的昨天之前的结局
我决定我的决定
属于我的明天之后的憧憬
我迷信我的迷信
属于我们点点滴滴的伤心
我们要各自忘记
属于我们闪闪发亮的爱情
我们再一起努力

属于风的那就去飞翔吧
属于海洋的那就汹涌的
属于我们的爱该来的就来吧
为什么不敢呢不要呢?
是他吧命中早就注定了的那个他
是他吧他原来就在这里啊

属于我的昨天之前的结局
我决定我的决定
属于我的明天之后的憧憬
我迷信我的迷信
属于我们点点滴滴的伤心
我们要各自忘记
属于我们闪闪发亮的爱情
我们再一起努力

属于我的昨天之前的结局
我决定我的决定
属于我的明天之后的憧憬
我迷信我的迷信
属于我们点点滴滴的伤心
我们要各自忘记
属于我们闪闪发亮的爱情
我们再一起努力

~busssssyyyyyyyyyy lifeeee~

2009-09-15T06:06:00.000-07:00

life in sam tet is really busy and stress....homework everyday and study everyday....i've forgotten when is my last time sitting comfortably in front of the television to watch a movie or drama with my family....haiz...but i think i still enjoy it....i think my life in form 6 still considered quite interesting...everyday is full of challenges and surprises...hehehe..

if all my closest friends also stay in form 6 with me will be better....they will sure make my time in sam tet more colourful....miss them so much...how are you all??miss me???haha...sure got la...without me your life will be total silence right??haha...

recently, all lower sixth classes are preparing for their musical drama...our class is preparing for the sound of music.....i can say is a quite boring show not because we are boring is because the show don't have much climax...so i don't think our class can win a prize for it...haiz...n i think my class is not cooperative enough...what to do???all also very shy...haha....

but if this event happen in 5S8...i think it will be a different story....sure it will be more interesting...because our class got many talented people that will give us creative ideas....such as jo ann...huey meing.....ji ching....sook yan...and many more....it will be a great night...and a memorable one...

but L6B2 is not that bad also...our class is quite friendly ga....hehe...the guys are very funny sometimes...they make the teacher don't know wanna laugh or wanna mad at them...haha....being with them is quite happy tooo.....as for the girls...gossipping and blow water is what we do everyday...never feel bored about it...haha...everyday we will exchange news...this is one of the way to strenghten our bond.....so that we can achieve covalent bond...that is the strongest bond...haha....

so i think life in form 6 is not that bad also...exam is coming soon...so need to start studying liao....this time must get flying colours..haha....GAMBATEH!!!!!

when will my new day come?????

2009-08-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

this is a song i like to share with all of my friends...

i hope my new day will come soon....when all the darkness in my world will be shine by the new sun....and there will never be darkness in my life...is that possible???
or maybe im more suitable to live in the dark side of the world...where no one sees me or finds me...silence and sorrow fills the place...there is where i used to live...

A NEW DAY HAS COME

A new day has...come

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear

Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Hush, love

I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come

Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy

Hush, love

I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come

choir farewell 2009.....

2009-07-25T23:47:00.000-07:00

5 pm sharp...

the president, hao phin ask us to come at 5pm sharp...then he sendiri come late....feel like whacking him liao...haha....when i reached there..i thought it will be a quite formal night...but the guys jus wear t-shirt and jeans...haiz...the girls wear so beautiful then the guys wear so "cincai"...haha...is like beauty and the beast....haha...

after that we start preparing for the farewell....the farewell will start about 6.30pm so we need to prepare all the thing before the seniors come..

6.00pm...

all still busy preparing and decorating the room.....and me as the receptionist is busy letting all the comers to sign the beautiful designed board made by joanne...and telling them not to sign so big coz the space are limited...but still got one pretty lady ( wan lim) go and sign so big...(want me to smack you is it???)haha...luckily still gt some space for the super seniors to sign it...haha...

6.30pm

ARRIVAL OF THE SENIORS....
all wear white colour except ke yin wear black....the whole thing looks like wedding party....so many leng lui(including me)..haha...then our ex president xin yee gives her speech....but she did not talk much coz she cried a lot..haha...then is our current president gives his speech....after that we start our dinner...

7.30pm

while we are having our dinner...we put up a slide show with all the sweet memories and funny photos....then is our perfomance....the singing perfomance by afternoon session and morning session...really interesting....then is our senior's performance....coincidently..their performance is same with ours...so we have to change it on the spot.....as result...our performance is veri cha.....feel so fish....

9.00pm

we start to play our games...is a killer game....and im the killer...hahaha *wicked smile*...i think im quite successful...coz i've killed quite a lot of people...haha...and the police cant catch me... i think the police is sleeping or dreaming...haha(jus joking)...is quite an interesting game we played...and the last show is we sang all the songs we learnt together...feel so touched that moment....feel like there is nothing else there...just all of us together...it is really a veri happy moment together...

10.00pm

our photo taking sessioon....all busy snapping photos...all wanna keep all these sweet memories forever....hehe.....then our teachers start chasing us go home....some of them went for the second round yum cha...but i didnt follow coz im so tired....so i went back home d....maybe next time we'll still have a chance to go yum cha together...and chit chatting till late at nite...haha....love you guys so much....start to like sam tet choir d...(don't let my amc choir junior saw it....if not sure they'll kill me..)haha....

my driving test...

2009-07-20T03:04:00.000-07:00

the day before....

nervous, nervous and nervous.....so long did not drive already...scare i forget the steps...haiz...if i failed again, im sure my parents will kill me...because the fees is so damn expensive...and is very fish to fail twice...haha...

praying...praying....praying..... whole night keep thinking about the road...scare i forget when to turn and when to change lane...haha..

the test day...

wake up at 5.15..then sleep again...then wake up at 7.00...nervous..nervous and still nervous..haha..8 o'clock the instructor came and bring me to the driving centre..

when im doing the up hill thing...im so scare i will fall back like last time...luckily i've pass...then is the parking....i also passed....feel more relief....now left the driving....this time got give "black money" so i think is not a problem for me to pass gua...haha...

during the driving...

the tester chat with me a lot...so friendly...(i think is because of the "black money"...haha..)actually i done quite a lot of minor mistake...but because of "THAT", i've passed..haha(should i be happy??)during the test, accident happen again like last time...a motorbike suddenly came out from no where...it really give me a fright...so i immediately press the brek...luckily i did not crash into it...phew....the tester said is the motorbike's fault so that's means im safed..haha...

after that, everything goes quite smooth i would say...haha...then the tester say he'll let me pass...im so happy that time...so i finally passed my driving test..but i dont think i will dare to drive...i dont want to be on the newspaper....haha....

so now i can put this away and concentrate on my choir farewell....i and my friends are performing a dance...really cant imagine myself dancing on the stage...i think it will look like a wood dancing because im not flexible enough...haha.....i think singing suits me better...haha...but never mind everything also have it's first time...im sure it will be a valuable experience...haha...
wish me luck...

interclass competition.....

2009-07-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

today is our lower six interclass competition...me take part in netball...haiz...apparently our team had lost terribly...haha...the result is 6-0...cham lo....luckily other categories we won...we only lost in badminton male single and netball...the results are quite satisfying..because i never thought that my class will won any of this categories...because our class look quite "nerd"...hahaha...

me really felt quite embarassed about the result we got in netball...because we are not aggresive enough...haha...nw my finger got swollen..it looks like a pig finger...ALL BECAUSE OF THE NETBALL...the stupid ball just hit my finger...ahhh!!!*in great pain*haiz...luckily is left hand not right hand...if not then cant do my homework liao...haha...

anyway....the final is on next thursday....i hope our class can emerged as champion for the overall..haha...then we can go celebrate using the class fund (bt unfortunately, class fund gt no money....haha..)

L6B2 GAMBATEH!!!!!!
WE SURE CAN GET CHAMPION!!!!HAHA......
L6B2 THE BEST!!!!!

specially 4 u.....

2009-07-01T05:25:00.000-07:00

to that "someone"...(don't alwiz complaint that i wrote you badly in my blog)...haha....

thx for alwiz helping me photostat the papers...it should be my job to do it ACTUALLY...i really appreciate the help you gave me....i know all the guys call you "water fish"...but never mind la...helping people IN NEED is GOOD ma...haha...

to repay you...i owe you a treat...but not in starbuck(don't be so greedy)....i"ll give you a treat in kopitiam only...haha....deal???then you'll have to help photostat all the papers....haha..*wicked laugh*......

today..im not so emo liao...after chatting wit my "private" counsellor...haha...whenever im emo...she is the only that can make me feel better...because she can understand my thought...no doubt she is only person i can trust....

but today she just went to kl to further her studies...haiz..(felt like losing something important)...so long my friend...wish you all the best in everything....call me whenever you need me...ok???haha...

FRIENDS FOREVER!!!!!

complicated feelings.....

2009-06-30T01:49:00.000-07:00

today i feel very moody....don't really know what's the reasons...my friends ask me is it im feeling sick again???is absolutely not...my health is ok....but maybe i'm mentally sick...

did anyone ever thought of why are we born to this world??
what are we meant for??

sometimes im wondering why i even exist...haiz...

why we want to live when maybe the next second we will die???
why we want to laugh when the next second we may cry our heart out????
why we makes friends when the next moment they will go away without us and left us alone???
why we wanna care bout someone when that someone don't even bother to look at you????
why why why??????

all this question make me so depressed because it reminds me about "that incident".....(an incident that i don't wanna think about it anymore)

sometimes i would like to ask myself...am i important???do my friends feel that im important to them???will they notice my absence when im not around????will they drop a tears if i die???
or maybe they will never notice it at all...

actually not that i want something in return for the friendship...i just hope that they will appreciate what i had done and not take it for guaranted...sometimes i will say myself silly for putting them in such an important place when they don't even care about your feelings...maybe to them you are just a nobody....

all of these are driving me crazy...i kept thinking about it when im having my class...suddenly i feel like shouting it all out....and ran out of the class and jump down...haha...(but i don't really think i will)still havent had that courage yet...maybe if things didn't turn out better...someday it may happen....but i hope it won't....

GET WELL SOON.....

boring school life...

2009-06-29T01:36:00.000-07:00

today is another busy and tired day....today there are new students coming to our class...that means...works are coming...i need to photostat the notes that we had for them...haiz...is really not and easy job for me...but what to do i still need to get it done...this is the work for a treasurer...(so cham)sobzzzz...is there anyone would like to ganti me???haha...

luckily there is a gentleman to help me get it done so i don't need to walk to the bookshop and bring the whole piles of paper to school the next morning...actually, if i had my own transport..i don't need others to help me lo...but the problem is im going to school by bus ma...so i need someone to help...luckily someone volunteer to get it done for me (not like "someone" that need me to beg so many times also don't wanna do)...haha..let's not talk bout this...hehe

today the tutorial really boring and the words that the teacher said cant enter my brain at all...my brain is not functioning and all i do is just copy the solution...maybe later i'll scan through it again..haha...

im my opinion, i felt that is pointless having tutorial if we can't absorb and digest the knowledge given...is a waste of time staying in school...i think is better for us to stay in our home and study on our own and do homework...

talking bout my homework...is like a never ending story....is it because im lazy or really the homework is too much liao???i also don't know...haha....

i already start my form 6 for about 2 months liao....but how come i still not in the situation geh??i still like wondering....and don't have the mood to really do my studies like i used to be when im form 5....

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEN WILL ALL OF THESE GET BACK TO THEIR TRACK LEH??????????????

belated b'day present and farewell.....

2009-06-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

yesterday after school, i went to parade with my friends..we were chit chatting as always in our "lao di fang" ( Sushi King)...haha..the purpose of this gathering is to farewell those that got JPA scholarship and are going to kl and study...they are jo ann, sook yan......suddenly feel so sad...i could say that they are the closest friends i had since primary...now they are all leaving and left me staying alone here...sook yan is the only person i can tell secrets when im sad and happy...she is the only one that i can share my feelings...although she never share anything with me( i mean secrets and feelings)...haha...who can i talk to when she is gone????my evonne had left me even earlier...feel so lonely now...how am i going to survive without my friends leh????will they forget me???will they remember that once upon a time...there was a girl name julia???sobzz....

after chatting, we went home...before we dismiss..sook yan gave me a belated b'day present and a farewell gift...when i reach home, i opened the gift...and i saw a picture that we took together and my hubby..and a "love letter"...and an unfinished story...the letter makes me feel like crying...makes me feel like you will be gone forever...am i too sensitive??and it reminds me the days we had together in amc...

we argue a lot and we chat alot...me, sook yan and jo ann still have an unfinished story to be continue....like sook yan says " i hope our friendship will be an never ending story"....

WILL OUR FRIENDSHIP LAST FOREVER???

remember to keep in touch and don't forget about our 5S8"s gathering...and our 10 years later 6A's gathering...by that time sure all of you will have a partner liao...haha...

ALL THE BEST IN YOUR FUTURE AND GOOD LUCK MY FRIENDZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oxygen..

2009-06-26T05:50:00.000-07:00

now onli i realize how important is oxygen...recently i have problem in breathing...my heart tends to beat faster than normal...like it will pop out from my mouth...and i feel veri difficult to take in oxygen...i need to open my mouth and breath and breath and breath...but it is still not enough..make me feel like dying...god please help me..haha....i desperately need an oxygen tank...haha..

unfortunately, when im sick..still have some people still wanna bully me( dat person should know who is it) make me so frustrated...no energy 2 argue liao..making me angry really makes you so happy meh?? huh???haha...

anyway..later still need to do homework and 2moro still need to attend school...AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
LIFE IS SO TENSE!!!! WHEN WILL THESE DAYS BE OVER??????

my first post.....

2009-06-23T03:12:00.000-07:00

this my first known blog...hehe...

what i wanna write leh???..
hw bout my feelings 2day??

2day im quite emo...bcoz nt happi lo..hehe...the reason is......(a secret) haha...
i think in my fren's eye..im a happi person..alwiz laughing and giggling and chatting and mixing around...is like im on the top of the world...

but actually you are wrong...everyone will have their time of anger, furious, sad....so same 2 me...n mayb i experience more than that...don't think that u saw me laughing and smiling means im so happi...mayb sometimes my heart is aching and bleeding inside...and is crying out loud for someone to heal it and stop the bleeding...

there is a song that really suits my feelings nw... that is the song entitled "Reflection"

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my Reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that i'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

There's a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that i'm
Someone else
For all time

When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?

when i really find a true friend that will really understand me???
when will i see the real image of me and not the reflection that i myself cant even recognise...
where is the true me??
please help me find it